Maidenhead

The town now known as Maidenhead may have been known to the Romans as Alaunodunum. But we only have the word of ‘a 16th century antiquary’ for that, and when historians refer to antiquaries you can bet they mean amateurs.

Maidenhead, Thames, Boulter's Lock, river, fishing
The Thames at Maidenhead

Alaunodunum or whatever it was may subsequently have been visited by Vikings. The evidence for this is that Danes sailed up the Tamesis before disembarking and establishing a stronghold at Reading. Alfred the Great turfed them out, making Maidenhead safe once more.

In medieval times Bristol, as a port facing the Atlantic, became the second city of the country. Maidenhead was on the route. When Brunel built the railway in a very straight line straight through it, the town’s future was assured.

Isambard Kingdom Brunel… it’s a name to conjure with. Isambard was the middle name of his French father, Marc; Kingdom comes from his mother’s maiden name. He lived to be only 53 but much of his legacy remains in daily use.

The Maidenhead railway bridge is an example. Immortalised in JMW Turner’s Rain, Steam and Speed, it crosses the Thames to the west of the town. Two main arches of 128ft meet in mid-stream on a small island. The arches were the flattest ever attempted, for their extent, and the nervous owners of the Great Western Railway asked that the wooden supporting structure used during the bridge’s construction be left in place, by way of insurance. Brunel acceded, but lowered the structure slightly to leave his brickwork to its own devices. The wood was later washed away by floods; the bridge remains.

Maidenhead, Maidenhead Town Hall, fountain
Civic buildings: the Town Hall

Just a couple of hundred yards upstream is the road bridge that carries the A4 over the river. In the old coaching days, a wooden bridge replaced a ferry on the road to Bath and the west out of London. Maidenhead grew up as a place at which travellers rested, stayed overnight, had a meal etc, while the teams of horses on their coaches were changed. In one instance, apparently, the ostler of an inn was the same individual who would have held them up had they been foolhardy enough to press on through Maidenhead Thicket after dark.

The stone road bridge built in the Georgian period also inspired art. Jacques Joseph ‘James’ Tissot painted a rather lantern-jawed young lady disembarking on the north side of the bridge in The Return from the Boating Trip. It’s not his best, if you ask me, and the young lady doesn’t look greatly impressed either.

And another quarter mile upstream is the scene of a third painting, Edward John Gregory’s Boulter’s Lock, Sunday Afternoon. This depicts many, many pleasure craft of the late Victorian era approaching or leaving the aforementioned lock. Very few of the boaters are looking what they’re doing and one blogger has suggested the painting might be a poster for a Water Safety campaign. The original is in the Lady Lever Gallery on Merseyside; you’ll find a copy in the Maidenhead Heritage Centre, between the football ground and the town centre.

Maidenhead, Maidenhead Heritage Centre, ATA, Spitfire, flight simulator
Maidenhead Heritage Centre: a Spitfire simulator will put you through your paces

The Heritage Centre is quirky and very attractive. Downstairs, carefully laid out to make the best use of limited space, is a cute little local museum. Pride of place goes to an early motor car, from a time 100 years ago when Maidenhead led the world in automatic transmission. Upstairs, for a small fee (£3.50 in 2022) is a very sophisticated Spitfire flight simulator, featuring a cockpit, multiple screens and an instructor who uses appropriate lingo – “let’s try a roll-out now”. With surrounding exhibits it commemorates the Air Transport Auxiliary, a WWII civilian initiative set up to move military aircraft around. The ATA had its headquarters two miles away at White Waltham. It was supposedly unique in recruiting women pilots and giving them equal pay. That’s as maybe; while I was there, the people trying out the simulator were men of my age. I didn’t join the queue – I had a substandard football match to go to.

Maidenhead United 1 Oldham Athletic 1
York Road, 8 Oct 2022

In the Dark

The idea of football tourism as a leisure pursuit depends rather obviously on two things. With football no longer a possibility, is tourism alone a legitimate substitute?

Venice, FC Venezia, replica strip, football tourism
‘People flock to Venice in their millions without the city having had a decent football club for decades.’

Of course it is under normal circumstances, although even then it might seem perverse in some cases. At one end of the scale, people flock to Venice in their millions without the city having had a half-way decent football club for decades. But at the other, the questionable lure of the sights is now compounded by the closure of many attractions and facilities.

Towns of Two Halves has always maintained that any town can be regarded as a tourist attraction if you approach it with the right attitude. That becomes a difficult position to maintain when towns are shutting down. You’ll have seen a lot of newspaper columnists lately pretending to have read La Peste by Albert Camus; Nevil Shute’s On the Beach also comes to mind, with the old boys in the Melbourne club wondering whether they have time to drink their way through the port collection in the cellar before the fallout cloud arrives.

FC Halifax Town, Ebbsfleet United, The Shay, National League, free-kick, last match before the shutdown
Jack Redshaw’s free-kick grazes the Ebbsfleet bar; as close as Halifax came to an equaliser in English football’s last match until further notice.

It was possible on the 14 March to watch Halifax play Ebbsfleet in the National League and to visit the Calderdale Industrial Museum, Halifax Minster and the Square Chapel Arts Centre. A handful of days later, all were closed until further notice. Now public transport is beginning to wind down – by this time next week travel in general might be discouraged, which would finally knock any idea of tourism on the head.

When the crisis has passed – and China appears to have got on top of the coronavirus in about four months – both elements of football tourism will probably take much longer to recover. Many football clubs seem ill-equipped to cope with the routine demands of the season; a prolonged shutdown will sorely test their viability. The EFL has made a fund of £50m available for clubs in difficulties. It’s a tidy sum, but if all 72 clubs applied, it could pay their players’ wages… for a month. Some of the local museums, galleries, country houses and other establishments so beloved of Towns of Two Halves also exist only where tolerances are so fine that a feeler gauge is necessary.

They will need all the help they can get. It’s hard to imagine that lower league football clubs or local cultural enterprises will be high in the Government’s list of priorities. When football returns, revel in the chance to be a tourist again. Any day can be a festival, just as any town can be a tourist resort.